Recently I found out about this site called ChaCha. It's a site that is trying to revolutionize the way we search for things online. Instead of just trying to be yet another Google clone, these people offer a helluva service.

Not only can you search for things using the typical search engine, but they also have live "guides" who can aide you with your searches. That's right! Living, breathing human beings who chat with you and help you find the things you are so desperately searching for (Such as rubber ball gags, Crisco, and pet gerbils).

So, of course, I had to fuck with these people.

But in a friendly way.

Seriously.

The only problem is... they will trace your IP if you are rude to them or anything. So I only have three logs to present. But hopefully you will enjoy them:

Status: Looking for a guide ...

Status: Connected to guide: FranP

FranP: Welcome to ChaCha!

You: Hello.

FranP: Hi there. I will be helping with your search.

You: *nods*

You: I am looking for somebody.

FranP: Ok...

You: Her name is Sarah Connor.

You: Hello?

FranP: Ok, do you have any personal info about her?

You: She lives in California.

You: She has a son.

You: John Connor.

You: Umm... pretty hair.

You: Freckles on her nose.

You: She enjoys poetry. Long walks on the beach. Huffing spraypaint.

FranP: Let me see what I can find

You: Is that good?

You: ok

FranP: There seem to be a lot in CA

FranP: Do you know her age?

You: This is a good place to start.

You: I do have one last search before I go.

You: If I may.

FranP: Sure

You: Okay... I am looking for a few items.

FranP: Go ahead...

You: I need your clothes, your boots, and the key to your motorcycle.

FranP: I don't own a motorcycle!

You: Oh..

You: Umm..

You: *looks around*

You: I'll be back.

FranP: Is there anything else on this topic I can find for you today?

You: No.

FranP: Thanks for using ChaCha! I hope you had a great search experience!

You: Hasta la vista... baby.

FranP: Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.

Status: Session ended.

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Status: Looking for a guide ...

Status: Connected to guide: SarahD

SarahD: Welcome to ChaCha!

You: Hi...

You: Umm... this is kind of embarrassing..

SarahD: Hello. What can I find for you on your topic tonight?

You: My girlfriend and I... are very close... and..

You: We try to be as intimate as often..

You: The only problem is that I... finish... early.

You: So I was wondering if you could point me in the direction of some information pertaining to tantra.

You: I love her and... I don't want her to be disappointed with me.

SarahD: Wouldn't you rather have information on premature ejaculation?

You: I just figured I'd nip this thing in the bud while I still could.

You: And I heard that tantra really works.

You: Besides... I have a lot of missed time to make up for.

You: It's so frustrating... she'll be ready to go and... I'll just... finish... early..

SarahD: It's a little advanced. Let me find you some sites to help with the immediate problem.

SarahD: I appreciate your patience while I find exactly what you need.

You: One time... She wanted to spend our three week anniversary at a fancy spa and... I finished in the car..

You: Ruined our whole trip.

You: Thank you.

You: I really appreciate this.

You: This is anonymous, right?

You: I probably should have asked that beforehand.

SarahD: Well, ChaCha does record your URL after a certain time so if it's a problem you should close now. You still have time.

You: Records my URL?

SarahD: Correct. In case of abuse, so it can be banned.

You: I'm not entirely sure what that means.

You: Ohhh! You mean my IP address!

You: That's completely different then.

You: This page is great, Sarah!

You: Thank you so much!

SarahD: No problem.

You: I'm so excited I-

You: Uh oh.

SarahD: What?

You: I just finished.

SarahD: Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.

Status: Session ended.

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Status: Looking for a guide ...

Status: Connected to guide: ScottR

ScottR: Welcome to ChaCha!

You: Thanks Scotty!

ScottR: haha. sup man?

You: Well, I was wondering how you can get blood out of a clown costume.

ScottR: wut?

You: My clown costume has all of these little specks of blood on it, and I
need some information on the best way to get them out.

ScottR: alright.

ScottR: you a clown?

You: Oh, in more ways then one. Entertaining people is my life.

ScottR: thats cool.

ScottR: how did you get blood in your costume?

You: It's really silly, actually. I cut myself shaving and got a bloody nose at the same time.

ScottR: what?!! lol

You: I know! It was the weirdest thing! I mean, I was shaving and I heard a scream, cut my neck, got dizzy at the sight of my own blood, and fell forward, banging my nose on the sink. It was
messed up.

ScottR: sounds like it.

You: Just goes to show that sometimes industrial duct tape is just not enough to keep somebody quiet.

ScottR: wut?

You: How's the search coming?

ScottR: i put up a few sites.

You: Wonderful.

ScottR: what was all dat about tape?

You: No, no, no.... Scotty... These won't do. I have to be able to get these things sparkling clean. Like... clean enough to withstand the scrutiny of a forensic pathologist.

ScottR: who was screaming?

You: Hmm?

ScottR: u said u cut urself shaving when sum1 screamed. who was it?

You: Scotty! There isn't any time! The police said they'd be back with a warrant! Come on, man!

ScottR: dude, wtf?

You: Oh shit... the little bastard's screaming again. I have to run down to my basement, but I'll brb.

ScottR: dude! your fucked up! i'm tracing your IP!

You: I'll trace a chalk outline around your dead fucking body if you don't get me the info I need! You're fucking me here, Scotty! You're really fucking me!

ScottR: fuck off!

Scott: Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.

Status: Session ended.