I'm working on a bigger update, but for now, I thought I'd tide you all over with these pearls of wisdom that pop into my mind as the days progress.

Keep in mind, most of these were written during the 36-hours of work I did this week, so they may seem a little weird.

I present to you:

What Up With That?

-Ping pong is now considered a professional sport. So is fishing. I heard that pretty soon they’ll have Olympic Foosball teams as well.

-Catholic priests say that eating meat on a Friday is a sin. But fucking little boys is okay. Something ain’t right with God these days.

-I sat on my balls a lot when I was in high school. It’s all because those desks were designed in a funny way. It’s like they wanted us to sit on our balls to keep us from procreating. But we showed them, didn’t they? We had beautiful children, with ten fingers, ten toes, and ten eyes.

-A chocolate covered bunny will last, without refrigeration, for nearly three years. That’s pretty fucked up.

-George W. Bush…… Nah. Too easy.

-Evian spelled backwards is Naïve. I think the French are fuckin' with us. I also heard the Canadians are releasing a new brand of water as well. It’s called “Retawpat.” Look for it in stores next summer.

-People still do the robot, only now they think it’s “kitschy.” The word “kitschy” should be stricken from our Dictionary, and the man who invented that word should be drawn and quartered. Luckily, that man was Liberace, and God already took care of him for us. But he still okays the fucking of little boys. And that ain't cool at all.

-George Clooney is a sexy muthafucka. Smart too. I'm not gay or anything, but if I was gay, and Johnny Depp wouldn't return my calls, then that muthafucka would be next on my list. That’s all I’m saying.

-One time I skinny dipped in the ocean, and a fish accidentally gave me a blowjob. That was kind of cool actually.

-You don’t see many bagpipe solos these days. And that's kind of cool too.

-When I was little, I used to pretend like my penis was a sword. Then I would run around, chasing the girls of the block, telling them I would slay them with my magical sword. Some things never change.