Human psychology is an interesting subject to me. I notice all of the little tics and behavioral patterns people have and wonder where they stem from. Maybe that guy next door who picks at his crotch every three minutes (EXACTLY ever three minutes) formed the habit after surviving an abusive relationship with his father. Or maybe he should bathe more.

Or that woman who I see at the 7-11 all of the time who pushes a bike around. I've never seen her ride it once, she just pushes it around. Where exactly is that coming from? Does it stem from the fact that she needs to show off that she's normal enough to own a bike, even though she never learned how to ride one? Or is it her pet that she enjoys taking for walks?

I never look down on people. I have my own fair share of odd behaviors. I've always had them. I remember this old home video taken of me at a little league baseball game (Yes, I used to play sports as a young one, but in my defense my parents forced me to... by gunpoint). In it, I'm swaying my arms back and forth, doing the "Hey batter-batter!" chant. And every time the pitch was made, and I screamed, "Swing!" my left arm would arch over my head, and my right arm would arch under my stomach, and my left leg would fold up underneath me, as if I were about to say, "Olé!" instead of "Swing!"

My parents like to break that video out whenever I get too high and mighty about how much of a technological retard my father is, or how much of a hypochondriac my mother is. They think it's real funny. I'm sure they'll find that tape hilarious in the old folk's home... while they're watching it... alone.

I'm not bitter about it or anything. Hell, at the time, I didn't even realize I was doing anything wrong at the baseball game. It was only after I had grown up and watched those tapes that I felt embarrassed about what I was doing.

Which I guess brings me to the meat of this entry. I've been asking people what they miss the most about their childhoods, and most of them say "lack of responsibility" or "youthful vigor" or "ability to pee my pants and get away with it." But after I started asking people other than my grandpa, I realized that nobody really had the same answer as me.

Of all the things I miss the most about being young and dumb, I think I miss my total lack of shame the most. Nowadays I can't breathe heavily on an airplane for the fear that the woman sitting next to me might think I'm some mongoloid monkey man who's broken free of his cage and is about to rape her and take a dump in her purse and make really bad run-on sentences.

I'm very self-conscious about my behavior and my appearance. I experiment with different hairstyles, trying to find the one that's right for me (These range from "long and uncombed" to "short and uncombed"). I keep growing my beard and then shaving it, and then growing it back, just because I can't make up my mind.

For once, I'd just like to not be able to give a shit about what other people think about me. I try to act like I don't mind, and for the most part I don't. But there are times when that little nagging voice in the back of my head is saying, "You should probably tuck your testicles back into your pants. They might not let you back on the bus again."

Well sometimes my testicles need to be free! Free as a bird! And sometimes they need to be loved and hugged and pressed up against a bus window so everybody can wave hello to them! And that's my right to do so! And I shouldn't let things like SHAME or THE LAW get in the way of that!

I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I'm sick of this fucking heat. And if it doesn't get any cooler around here, I'm going to start walking around my neighborhood naked... again.

Hey batter-batter....