Hey folks. Long time no see. I've been quite busy as of late... Living in poverty, selling my DVD collection so I can eat, selling my ass on the street to make student loan payments, selling my semen on the side of the road to the highest bidder... Okay... That last one isn't true. I'm gving it away, but only to girl scouts and Catholic priests.

Oh, I've also been in the process of making a movie. A real movie. With a budget, and caters, and fluffers, and midgets, and velociraptors. Quality stuff. I'm going through the legal poop right now, getting the paperwork together with a lawyer (I have a lawyer! Yay!).

Sooooo.... With that being said... I'm not going to update for another 3 months. And if you have a problem, you may suck both of my balls, one at a time.

If you do a good job, there may be a jar of semen in it for you.

I promise to do a real update soon. When I get to a real computer. In a real world.

But so I can say one thing at least witty, let me just tell you this:

We all know people who talk too much. They will ramble on and on for hours, days, millenium with no end in sight. And most of us can handle it. Hell, most of this site's popularity is based on the fact that people can stand that sort of behavior.

If you talk and people fall asleep around you, you haven't talked too long. They are just lazy listeners.

If you talk until your voice goes out, you haven't talked too much. You've just said all that you needed to do at that very moment.

If you're talking and somebody is stabbing you in the eye with a large, sharp implement... That's a good sign to wrap it up.

And remember... You can rape a squirrel, because a squirrel cannot tell anybody. And they have no souls. Like child actors. And lawyers.

Note: We here at FT do not condone the rape of small woodland creatures. We do not condone rape at all. Rape is never justified.

Unless they are wearing shorts and eating a popsicle. Then they're just askiing for it.

Note #2: Actually, no they aren't. We apologize to our readers for the mixed signals, and we apologize to the Vienna Boys Choir... You know... Uh... For general purposes.

Look. We bought them ice cream afterwards, okay? We made it better. Besides... Look at those robes. They were askin' for it. Sheesh.