For those of you who didn't get a chance to check out the last entry... TOO SLOW! BOOYAH! HAH!

My friend Carrie posted this on her site (Well, re-posted actually... but... fuck it... semantics). It made me realize that I've never really filled out anything like this on Fucktitles. Granted, our format usually doesn't bend towards the usual online diary crap (No daily logs about my shoes, no pining over ex-significant others (Well, except for that one time), no trying to use lyrics to convey my feelings (Well, I did that a couple of times... and almost every entry's title is a song lyric... but that's it), and most importantly: NO FUCKING UNICORNS!).

I realize there's a lot that you, my dear fanbase, do not know about me. And maybe that's a good thing. That way there won't be so many witnesses after I snap and crash an airplane into Disneyland (Actually, it technically won't be me; You see, I'll be kidnapped by the government, brain-washed, and then told to commit this crime in the name of Canada; It's just an excuse to bomb the shit out of Canada because they ask too many questions; It will also be used to get rid of my pending my discovery of.... the flying car). But here's a little 200 question survey I'll fill out... just because I'm sure you all give a fuck.

200. My name is: Steve

199. I was born on: A Merry-Go-Round

198. I am a: Sex Machine?

197. My hair color is: Undeterminable through your narrow definition of hair colors. I'd say it's a cross between dirty blond and brown. Or dirty brlownde. Whichever.

196. My eye color is: Light blue with hints of gray.

195. My shoe size is: 13 (And we all know what that means....)

194. My ring size is: I don't wear rings. At least... not on my fingers.

193. My bra size is: Uh... I'm still working through my training bra, thank you very much.

192. My height is: 5'11" (Give or take a couple of inches... which is something men say often)

191. I am allergic to: Spaceships, republicans, and wheat (One of these aren't true... try to guess which one it is!)

190. I live in: A state of constant denial (Also known as Los Angeles).

189. The last three books I read: Be Cool by Elmore Leonard, Sock by Penn Jillette, and Where's Waldo: Dante's Inferno by Martin Handford and Anton LaVey. It's this book where you try to spot Waldo in the seven levels of hell. The level of the heretics is the hardest one!

188. My bed is: Where the party never ends... because it never really starts.

187. One thing I know for sure about the opposite sex: They sure make a mean sammich. And they're nice to cuddle with. And more times than not, they're smarter than me. And they're all fucking psychotic too. But don't tell them I said that. They'll hurt me.

186. I am glad I'm my sex because: If I had tits I'd never leave the house... Wait... Who says I'm happy being a man anyway?

185. A (guy/woman) that I have a crush on: Kylie Minogue (Red hair and Australian accents... that's all it takes for me... I'm sorry)

184. My Best friends are: make believe.

183. My BEST friend is (of the same sex): My right hand.

182. My Best friend of the opposite sex is: My left hand.

181. Three things I can never resist are: Free drugs, free booze, and free hugs (Even though I don't drink or do drugs).

179. My favorite pajamas are: Any short-sleeved t-shirt with my Corona pajama bottoms. They are comfortable. Lot's of weiner swinging room in them.

178. A perfect kiss is: The ones that happen anywhere other than the mouth. Mouth kisses are sloppy and weird. Necks, noses, cheeks... anything's better to me. Yes, I'm away I'm a fucking puss.

177. The last three CDs I bought are: The Postal Service "Give Up", The "Team America" soundtrack, and William Shatner "Has Been."

176. Last song that made me cry was: The Shins "New Slang". "Dawn breaks like a bull through a hall, never should have called, but my head's to the wall and I'm lonely."

173. I could not live without: my brain. It's true. It's science, baby!

172. My most treasured possession is: My sense of humor. Or my penis. I could go either way with that one.

171. My three top pet peeves are: People who hurt people for no other reason, people who feel it's necessary to always be right, and people who don't agree with me... because they're fuckheads.

170. What did you do last night: Worked until nine, went home, watched a little bit of "The Ben Stiller Show" on DVD, and promptly fell into a deep coma.

169. The funniest quote I know is: "Ah Jesus! I got my dick stuck in it again!" That's a true quote. It was screamed down my dorm hall one stormy October night. Nobody found out who it was, or what it meant.

168. The quote that sums it all up for me is: “One day the world will be ready for you, and wonder how they didn't see..." -Eels "Beautiful Freak"

167. My skin's reaction to the sun is (tan/burn): Burns a little at first, then slowly turns into a nice hue of golden brown. Think David Hasslehoff without his shirt, minus the muscles and all of the hair.

I Do/Do Not Believe in...

142. Love at first sight? Yeah, but not for blind people. It's love at first smell.

141. Luck? I hope so. I'm going to Vegas in February, baby!

140. Fate? One time my friend threw himself out of a twelve story window. At that moment, a pickup truck filled with old mattresses came by. My friend fell safely onto the matresses and was fine. Fate? No, not really. Unfortunately, the truck had no brakes and was actually heading on a crash course into a tanker truck and... well... let's just say that fire beats mattresses every time (In the game of Fire, Mattress, Bazooka).

139. God? Okay... dammit. My lack of faith means that I can't answer yes. But my anger towards my absence of faith means that I can't answer no. So I'm just going to answer as honestly as I can: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW! QUIT ASKING ME! (That means you, Pope John Paul Ringo Whatever Your Name Is)

138. Aliens? Yes. But I've never been probed by one. Honest. Hand on the Bible, swear to God... never... Except for that one time. But it was mutual, and we were drunk, and there was a lot of giggling involved, so I don't really see how it could be viewed as a bad thing. I just don't.

137. Heaven? See my answer for God.

136. Hell? See my answer for Heaven.

135. Ghosts? See my answer for... oh... wait... No... go ahead and see my answer for God. I've never seen one myself... So I just don't know for sure.

134. Horoscopes? Most horrorscopes I've read have been vague enough to be interpreted anyway you want... so I'm leaning towards the no-ish side.

133. Soul Mates? I could only wish.

Which is Better?

129. Hugs or Kisses: I hate chocolate, so hugs.

128. Drunk or High: I'm going to say high, but to be honest... either one of those things means one thing for me: Sleepy-time.

127. Phone or Online: Online. That's where I keep all of my porn.

126. Guys with/without Hats: Men with Hats was a good band. Is that what you mean?

25. Blondes or Brunettes: Redheads. Wait... that wasn't a choice? Why the hell not?

122. Guys with/without Facial Hair: Seeing how I've got a little facial stubble going on, I'll say with. But that isn't an open invitation for you to sodomize me. You know who you are, Don Johnson!

120. Night or Day: I like the nightlife.... I like to boogie (Son of a bitch, I did it again).

119. Oranges or Apples: Apples. Although I do love the feeling of peeling an apple. It's like you're tearing the face off of a tiny orange head.

118. Curly or Straight: I was a friend of Moe, myself. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

Here's What I Think About...

116. Abortion? It's a woman's choice, but there are other options... like... not fucking (See last entry).

115. Backstabbers? "A true friend stabs you in the front." - Oscar Wilde

110. School? School was school. I hate to say it but... I was one of those smart kids who never did their work because they were bored with it because it was so damn easy. Although I did get a lot of doodling done in school. So school's okay I guess.

109. America? Ah... I remember a time when that used to mean something. Hold on... (pulls out his soapbox) I BELIEVE THAT WE AS AMERICANS HAVE THE DUTY OF TAKING THIS COUNTRY BACK! WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS- (falls off soapbox, concussing self)

107. Love? The word or the emotion? The word is used like tissue paper nowadays. People will just throw it around like a beach ball at Lolapalooza at any whim. As for the emotion itself... I've felt it before. It felt good when it was right. But when it was gone, it left a bigger hole than there was to begin with.

106. Friends before Love? I'm sorry. I only love complete strangers. If I get to know them too well, there are no more surprises left. In fact, I prefer that they wear a bag over their head for the first few weeks of the relationship... You know... to keep things fresh (Although I'd advise making them wear a plastic bag... they don't seem to last too long).

The Last Time I...

105. Took a Shower: That is the sickest fucking thing I have ever- Oh... With water? This morning. The other thing I was talking about... umm... college. But it was a bet. No it wasn't. I did it for the money. No I didn't. I'm a dirty whore.

104. Talked on the phone: I text messaged on my phone very recently (Like within the hour). Does that count?

103. Kissed someone: I had to kiss a dog last week. Well... I didn't have to...

102. Hugged someone: It's been too long actually. Anybody in the greater Los Angeles area need a hug?

101. Seen someone I haven't seen in a while: Last week actually. It was a friend of the family and he helped get me my current job. He's fucking awesome. And I'll go ahead and plug his band. Finer

100. Drove: This morning...

95. Grew: My weiner grew. Seriously... I'm almost up to five inches now. I ROCK!

91. I always ask: "Where do babies come from?" This question is usually posed towards my mailman. He pretends to ignore me, but that man has information and there are some things that I just need to know, dammit!

90. The dizziest person I know: Johhny Runsincircles. He's Indian. I know that's not politically correct, but I, like George Carlin, think calling them Native Americans is a big slap in the face. "Yeah... You used to be the boss... But guess what, Squanto, NOT ANYMORE! BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME!"

89. The last person who made me laugh: When describing her drinking experiences, my friend Kait said: "I'd rather limit and not get as buzzed than feel hell pull me in the next day." This made me chuckle. That's why I had to kill her with a ninja star.

88. Which celebrity or famous person are you in love with? Kylie Minogue (I'm telling red hair, Australian accent; It's a one-way ticket to Boing-In-My-Pantsville.

87. One thing I'm upset about right now is: I'm alone. No joke. I'm just alone. And it sucks.

83. The last movie I saw in the theater was: I saw a test screening for Will Ferrel's movie, "Kicking and Screaming." It was pretty funny.

82. The thing I don’t understand is: What does harder than Chinese arithematic mean? I guess they could print the books in a higher grade of paper, making the pages more stiff. And I guess that would make the books tougher but- Oh wait. I just got it. Nevermind. Heheheh... Boing.

81. One question that I want answered is: Who put the bop in the bop she bop she bop? Or... Does anybody love me out there? Like... Not like a brother or a close relative, or even a distant relative. Is there anybody out there that... when you think of me your heart flutters? Because if there is... Why aren't you here making sammiches and serving my almost five inches!

82. The things I notice first about the opposite sex are: their eyes. Well, hair color, then breast size, then the demeanor in which they carry themselves, than the eyes. Oh... And I like to stare really hard at their crotches, just to make sure they are hiding a penis in there. You never know... That's all I'm saying.

80. The most unsatisfactory answer I've ever received is: "Absolutely, positively, maybe." I just think the doctor doesn't really want to give me the results of those tests because he's afraid of how I'll react.

79. The one thing I love about the opposite sex is: How soft they are when you are curled up with them. It doesn't mean they're fat, they're just comfortable. I can't explain it. I tried cuddling with a male friend once, and besides his hips being all boney and jabbing me in the back of the head, he also beat me unmerciful when I accidentally smooched his hand.

78. This spring break I am: What spring break? I'm an adult now! I gotta fuckin' work! Although I might try to save up enough to go with my family to Florida at the end of April. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just blow the money on foreign films and lube. Who knows?

76. This Summer vacation I am: Probably going to be dead by then. Next question.

75. Something I will really miss when I leave home is: My dad's porn collection. He has the best collection of seventies porn I've ever seen. I have to admit... I'd probably watch gay porn from the seventies, just because I think it'd be funny to see an "actor" receive head from a guy, and all you see is an afro bobbing in and out of the frame. Especially the way those "actors" "act" when receiving head. hehehehe... And the music is great. Oh... I also miss my mommy. But mostly the porn.

The thing that I'm looking forward to the most about...

73. Tomorrow: That's all. I'm looking forward to tomorrow. If I see tomorrow, I'm always a happy boy. The day I don't see tomorrow is the day that I'm dead, or the day that I finally got my blender-powered time machine running.

72. Today: Umm... I might get to go home from work early and get more sleep than usual.

71. Next Summer: I told you. I'll be dead then. Jeez.

70. Next Week: I might be getting my California drivers license finally. That way the po-po can just back da' fuck off!

68. I want to go to college: I've already been. It wasn't all that great. The only thing I'd recommend college for is the free beer and the group sex. Everything else is filler.

67. People call me: Steve, Steve-o, Bunky, Squiggy, Sherman, Vanessa, and Tito.

66. The person who I talk to the most on the phone is: My mom (I know... I'm a pussy).

65. The person I had the longest on-going relationship with was: God... I sat down and thought about this... all of my relationships have lasted about the same period of time. I guess the most serious one was Amanda. Yeah... I guess.

64. The person I have been friends with the longest is: Jesus. No... not Christ. Garcia. He's my gardener. He travels everywhere I go.

63. The friend I vent to: I pretty much vent on here, so anybody who listens really.

62. The person who knows the most about me is: The Shadow.

61. The person who can read me the best is? Nobody's ever bothered to try. It's not like I'm an open book though... I'm multi-layered baby... and much like my clothes, you have to peel them off one piece at a time. You get the cynical, hard-edge funny-man, but if you dig a little deeper, you'll get the hopeless romantic. Go a little deeper, and you can see that I've got some self-esteem issues and some painful childhood memories, but nothing that I'm not dealing with. And go even deeper, and you've hit bone. You went too deep, you dumbass.

60. The most difficult thing to do is? Pretend like I don't care (You know who you are).

59. I have/have not gotten a speeding ticket? I got a ticket for driving without a valid license. I talked about it a couple of entries ago. The carpool thing was a joke though. So... no tickets (Since this one is a fix-it ticket).

58. I have the following siblings: Jamie... She's my older sister and quite possible one of the nicest people I know when she's not being a lying bitch.

57. My favorite people are: Midgets... and... Friendly people.

56. My zodiac sign is: Aries?

55. The first person I thought/think I was/am in love with was/is: The first time I knew I was in love with somebody was with a friend named Camille. It was middle school, and there was just something about her... She never made me feel uncomfortable, we had mutual likes and dislikes... We got along really great. So I told her how I felt about her... and pretty much queered our relationship for a while. I've never stopped regretting the fact that I screwed things up with her. But she's moved on to great things now... She's a world traveller, she's fucking bright as hell... I probably would've held her back. Camille... I don't know if you still read this or not... But... I hope things are going okay for you right now.

54. The first person you dated? I asked my sister out on a date once. When I was six. I didn't know any better. My first actually date was... God... I have no idea. I think I blocked it from my memory.

53. The one person who can't hide things from me: There's nobody like that in my life.

52. The person I find myself spilling my guts to is: Again... all of you guys.

51. Right now I am talking to: Myself mostly.

48. I have a job at: I'm a video editor for a company called ECC (Educational Content Creators). I'm editing together videos to put on a website. I learned how to play flaminco guitar! Now all I need to do is figure out how to actually play the guitar! YAY!

47. I have these pets: I've got a pet booger. I keep him in a jar under my couch. I feed him tic tacs and beer. He's the happiest booger in the whole world. I call him Cecil.

46. I wish I was: Not fat, not so shy, asleep. I get three wishes, right? That's how this works.

45. The worst sound in the world is? Satan having his balls ripped off in a megaphone factory. Seriously... you should hear it. It's awful.

44. The person that makes me cry the most is: I guess I make myself cry. If it wasn't me, then I wouldn't cry. YEAH! I CRY! I HAVE FEELINGS! SO WHAT?!?!?

43. The best shoulder to cry on is: I really don’t have one at the moment.

41. I almost died when: Well, driving in L.A. traffic, you're always putting your life at risk. One time a semi-truck suddenly decided to come to a screeching halt four cars ahead of me. The two front cars veered off to the left and drove on like nothing happened. The third car slammed on his brakes and slid to the left. The fourth car slammed on his brakes and slid to the right. I slammed on my brakes and slid right between them. I hear Michael Bay wants us to choreograph the car chases in Bad Boys 3 now.

39. My boy/girlfriend is: I have neither.

34. My favorite state? Garden State. Good flick. Aww yeah. California isn't too bad though.

33. My favorite piece of clothing is: I have this brown Nintendo hoodie that I wear everywhere. It kept me warm when I was sleeping in my car. Next to my pet booger, it's my best friend.

32. My favorite sport to play is: Water polo... no... wait.. Marco polo.

31. The best party I ever went to was: I went to a party in middle school where two girls decided to see what it would take to make me blush. After making out with me for about a half an hour, they found out: Quite a bit, actually.

30. The last time I cried was: Last week, when I was homeless. It made me sad.

29. What I am wearing right now is: Black slacks, dark gray shirt, glasses, brown hoodie, boxer shorts, socks, shoes, and my cock ring.

28. The school I go to is: The School of I'm Too Fucking Old to Be Going to School, and it's sister college, Get Fucked, I'm Not That Young University.

27. The last person I pissed off was: My parents.

26. My worst drinking experience was: I drank way too much draft beer one night and spent half of the night vomiting. The worst part is when I woke up, I found out that I hadn't been vomiting in the toilet like I thought I had been, and I had to buy my sister a new hamper.

24. The last movie I watched was: The last movie-movie I watched was a Japanese flick called "Kichiku." It was pretty messed up.

22. The last song I heard was: DQ Blizzard by MC Chris. Or the entire Nick Drake album "Pink Moon." I don't remember.

21. The all-time best thing(s) in the world is/are: cuddling, laughter, and PCP. And that's it.

19. The most annoying thing ever is: Human nature in general is pretty annoying.

17. I lose all respect for people who: Point to their assholes and go, "Hit the bullseye." It wasn't funny the first time, Uncle Frank, and sure as hell didn't warrant an entire website either!

16. The last movie I have cried at in a theater: God... I don't remember. I think it was Monsters Inc. but don't quote me on that.

15. If I had to get married tomorrow, and could pick my wife/husband they would be?: Probably not somebody I've dated before. I don't know... Ladies? Any takers?

11. The worst experience of my life was: The multiple hospitilizations of my father and sister.

10. My favorite month is: Anything in the fall. October is pretty nice.

9. My room is full of: It's not a room, it's a loft. And currently filling up the space are suitcases, clothes, my DVD player, some chairs and a bed.

8. My favorite celebrity is: Right now it's Will Ferrel. I've heard really good things about him, and the man is just funny.

7. My favorite cliche is: Happy endings.

6. My downfall is: I seem to want to keep fucking up my life. I'm really going to have to stop that.

5. My weakness is: Good movies, diet coke, and Satan worshipping. I'm sorry. It just happens.

4. What turns me on is: Uh... okay... for the last fucking time... Red hair. Australian accents. Kylie Minogue. Does anybody have her number? Seriously. Also, a good sense of humor and being kind are plusses in my book.

3. I want this to end because? I've been working on it for almost 2 hours, off and on.

2. I filled out 200 questions because? I wanted to reveal my darkest, most personal secrets to my readers. That and I couldn't think of anything better to do.

1.Was it fun? Like drop-kicking midgets.

I'm gonna' go home now. Bye!