That last entry was a little too whiney (And not in the good "I just stuck my dick in my cat and killed it" sort of way). So I'm going to try and capture a little bit of what this diary used to be like. Profane and idiotic to be exact.

People have asked me why I've changed the format so much recently? Where have all of the incoherent ramblings and chat logs of harrassment that I used to post? Have I gone soft in my old age?

So to answer your question:

Huh? I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention.

Moving along to the subject at hand:

In three months, it will be the third anniversary of September 11th attacks, or as I like to put it, the "not-quite-centennial." Since then we've seen people unite under extreme conditions, we've seen a president with energy and leadership and great prowess, we've seen our enemies vanquished. Yes, if you're like me, you've been watching "Independence Day" over and over going, "Now why the fuck didn't Bill Pulman run for the Democratic office?"

In the real world however, we've seen thousands of innocent people die, new breeds of hatred and racism born, our fearless leader backpedaling like a dyslexic in the Tour de France, and we've all sang along, teary eyed, to "I'm Proud to Be an American."

But what have we learned from our mistakes... err... accomplishments since then? We've learned that if a bad man attacks your country, the best way to show him who's boss is to attack his country for like... a couple of months, and then without warning, go attack another country for no reason whatsoever. Yeah! That should put Osama in his place! We showed him!

We've also learned that if you are French, then you are a coward and a bunch of Communists. That's right, France hates America. We should've seen it coming a mile away. Oh fine, they helped us during the American Revolution... and.... well... actually kind of saved our asses during the American Revolution... and... In fact, if it weren't for the French, we probably would've have lost the American Revolution. But so what? They told us to think about our actions before we rushed headlong into a war! THEY TOLD US TO THINK! FUCK THEM! AND THEIR CHEESE SUCKS TOO!

What else have we learned? Ohhh! If you want to spread hate faster and more efficiently, wrap it around a catch-phrase! Everybody loves catch-phrases! Hell, some people love catch-phrases more than they love mom, baseball, apple pie, and Raymon combined! "United We Stand." There was a great catch-phrase. It means we're all in this together... Unless you're from Middle Eastern descent. Then we're going to hit you with bricks in the middle of the street.

I actually had a friend I was working with around and after September 11th who was of Middle Eastern descent. I can't quite remember his name, but it was definitely not American. To pronounce it correctly you had to be gargling with yak cum and doing jumping jacks at the same time. But he was a nice guy, and I digress. I started hearing about all of the "non-hate crime hate crimes" that were happening against Middle Eastern people, and I got scared for him. We worked at a computer company, and most of the guys who assembled the computers or worked in the warehouse were a bunch of shit-kickin' name-takin' good ole' boys who'd rather be riding around in their over-sized pick-up trucks, listening to Slayer, and beating up fags.

You know... real conservative Republicans.

So anyway, I told him that if he ever had any trouble, to let me know, because I knew people who knew people who could help fix things, if you know what I mean, wink wink nudge nudge, tickle your groin, etc. etc. But he said he was fine. And what he said directly after that gave me pause, then great relief. Because after hearing this, I knew that America was still the same great place we lived in before those two planes rubbed against those buildings in a semi-violent, explod-y sort of way. He said:

"It's cool, man. Most of the guys in there think I'm Mexican."

For those of you who have seen the movie "Super Troopers" you will realize that there is a similar occurance in the movie like the occurance I just explained. You can only imagine that I was the one laughing the hardest at the joke, just because it was so goddamn true.

Another catch-phrase was "Then the terrorists have won." It was the most earth-shattering thing to think of. Letting those bastards get away with murder. I mean, who do these guys think they are, going into other countries and killing innocent people just because they have a certain agenda to fill? Us?

So we had to just keep on living like we have been, "or the terroists have won." Keep buying goods and services, "or the terrorists have won." Support Bush and the war in Iraq, "or the terrorists have won." Don't let Osama Bin Laden figure out that it was Colonel Mustard, with the candle stick, in the library, "or the goddamn terrorists have won!"

I hate to burst everybody's bubble but... Umm... They sort of... did... win. Yeah... sorry. Osama's still alive. The Taliban is still functioning. And it was Colonel Mustard, with the candle stick, in the library.

I'm not sure if there are going to be any ceremonies like there have been on September 11th, honoring the 3,000 people who lost their lives in the attack. But if they are going to have one, when there's a moment of silence, and you're supposed to be praying for those who lost their lives (Like they really need your prayers anymore... They're all martyred and in Heaven or something), instead think of this: Why did these people lose their lives? How has America acted to honor their deaths? What do we need to do to make sure that these people's deaths won't be in vain?

But most of all, remember this:

Why exactly does everybody love Raymond? He's a cock-munching-gerbil-stuffer and his nose is funny looking.

And I heard he likes to touch little boys.

Note from the editors: We know for a fact that Mr. Romano does NOT touch little boys. As part of our program to pay reparations towards those we have offended in the past, present, and inevitably the future, we have arranged a private meeting with Mr. Romano, where we will take Mr. Meyer, flog him, flay him, nail him to a cross, all the while being filmed by Mel Gibson. The DVD of this event will be on the sale through the site sometime in the near future. It's called "The Passion of the Fuckjar." Peace in the Middle East (And everywhere else for that matter).