I know. I'm an updating machine. I haven't spewed forth this much babble since that one time I got caught in the middle of that Boy Scouts' camp with my pants around my ankles, covered in honey, with a pine cone up my ass.

Or as I like to call it... "Thursday."

Sitting here, staring at my semi-clean room and my semi-neurotic hamster, Kirby, I am reminded of an old saying. It's something like "If you piss on a hobo.... something something something something." I'm sure the rest is important to somebody somewhere. And if such a person exists, I'd like to meet them, and shake his or her penis.

I received a few e-mails from viewers who were shocked by the graphic sexual language used in my last entry. People said that while my language may not always be appropriate for... oh... let's just say... preschool teacher, I had always had qualms about sexuality. They liked the fact that I was so timid about sex, that I would have to refer to a penis as a "thingie" and a vagina as a "thingie" and breasts as "thingies." To be honest, a few readers were let down that I would include such frank sexual talk in any of my entries. To which I reply, "Eat a cock. Sincerely, Me."

Which brings me to the creamy nougat center of this entry. What irks people out about sexuality? There are certain areas of sexual behavior that many people find offensive.

Here's an example: I fucked a 15 year-old girl. Now by saying that, part of the audience (The male portion) is going, "Was she hot?" To which I reply, "It's a hypothetical situation." To which they would probably reply, "So... she was into needles or something." To which I reply by shooting myself since I am grouped into this gender.

Now the other portion is going, "Well... That's wrong. But it's acceptable to a point, I guess." Here's where things get a bit tricky:

I fucked a 15 year-old boy.

Woah. Stop the entry, I want to get off.

The group as a whole (To which I'm sure the guys are going, "Heh heh... hole.") stands back and, in a cacophony of what sounds like asthmatic joggers, gasps in shock.

Let's think this over. What makes my actions more shocking than the ones before? Because not only was I breaking a rule by screwing a person who was not of age, but I am now engaging in a homosexual act. And homosexuality, no matter how many charity drives and parades happen, will never be accepted as normal. Men and women were given interconnecting parts, and they should damn well use them for their intended purpose (Puppet shows).

But let's go back in time a little. Back in the time of the Romans and the... other... Roman... stuff. What was a normal practice for most people in the position of money and power? They would have a young boy who acted as not only a servant, but as a sexual partner as well. And this was accepted by the culture. What happened? I'm sure people had their moments of self-doubt, and they asked the two great philosophers of their time for an answer.

The first one, Socrates, stepped forward, made a pensive gesture with his face and then shrugged and said, "Everybody... must get their nut off once in a while. How they choose to do it is how they choose to do it."

The second philosopher wasn't as understanding. For he was the lone redneck philosopher, Billy-Bobiclus. And standing before the people, clad in a flannel toga, he pointed in no particular direction whatsoever and screamed toward the Gods, in a loud and resounding voice, one small syllable:

"FAG!"

Thus, fucking little boys was longer a common practice (Until Catholicism came about).

Now, I'm not saying that having sex with little boys is right. It's certainly something I'd never do (Unless they were really, really cute). I look at these groups like NAMBLA, and I shake my head. I don't judge them because they are... essentially homosexual men who get their rocks off by molesting little boys. I shake my head because of their argument. "We never have sex with them unless it's consenting."

This is where I put my liberal breaks on and go, "Wait just a ding-dong second here." There is no such thing as a "consenting relationship" with a 10 year-old. A 10 year-old doesn't know what he wants as far as love and relationships go. I don't even know what I want as far as love and relationships go, and I'm way older than 10 (I'm 11). When I was 10 the only thing I loved was chocolate milk and The Ghostbusters. In fact, the only thing that has changed in my life as far as love goes is that I have added pornography to that list. Porno, Ghostbusters, and chocolate milk. That's what life is all about.

Well, to get back to the point I was making, I.... well... wait... I know there was a point I was trying to make.

Oh! I remember now. People are way to fickle about what they are against as far as sex goes. Just because it was acceptible during the Roman period, does that make sex with little boys right? No. Children should never be manipulated. And when you put a child in the position of a sexual relationship, confusion and fear set in and take hold of them. Because all a little kid wants is to be accepted. And he will feel pressured to do whatever that person says, because he feels that if he doesn't, he won't be accepted. And when you aren't accepted, it can completely crush you. So they go along with it, even though they might not really want to. Doesn't sound like a "consenting relationship" to me.

Personally... I'm fickle as far as what I think is acceptible sexual behavior. Hell, I'm not even sure what is acceptible social behavior. I like to run around my neighborhood in my underwear screaming the "Toys R' Us" jingle at the top of my lungs (I like to keep people on their toes). But my list of acceptible sexual activities far outweighs my list of unacceptible ones. It's because I know that just because I think it's acceptible, it doesn't mean I do it.

Another perspective to take is this: I knew a guy who liked it when his girlfriend would take a dump on his chest and smear it all over him. He was totally into that scat shit (Which is a bit redundant, but it gets the point across well I think). Yet he refused to watch any porno that had men in it, because he felt that looking at their cocks somehow made him gay. Personally, if my girlfriend was pinching a loaf on my body and then smearing it all over me like some sort of weird, freaky Hindu war paint, I think I'd have more to worry about then seeing a couple of dicks on a T.V. screen.

And since I always like to end things on a happy note... I remembered the rest of that old saying.

"If you piss on a hobo, and he gives you a dollar, you are a sick fuck. If you piss on a hobo, and he gives you a dollar, but you do not take it... you are sitll a sick fuck, but you're a broke sick fuck as well."

If you don't like that one, I reccomend: "If you see a midget anytime during the day, then it's already a good day."