Okay, enough of this mopey shit. Moving along.

I had to wear a tie today. Now, some of you know me well enough that there are two things I hate in this world:

1.) Wearing fucking ties.

2.) And people who make short and pointless lists.

In fact, the drugs have started to take hold, so I'm just gonna' slip this tie off of my neck, unbutton my shirt a button lower than I probably should, and then I'm going to tie this fucking tie around my head.

That's right, I'm going for the gusto, baby! I'm wearing the fucking tie on my fucking head! And there isn't a thing you or your mother or your bullshit corny old Jesus can do about it!

And speaking of Jesus, I have a Jewish friend named Lesley Cross. Now, I thought that her last name was rather ironic, seeing how the Jews killed Christ and all.

Now, if I were handing out names... And... I had been part of a culture that was guilty for nailing the son of God to a cross and all... wouldn't... it make sense... to pick a better appellation... than Cross?

I mean, honestly. I personally would avoid the following words altogether: Cross, Nails, Thorne, Crowne, or Dogfucker. That last one mostly because... well... Nobody likes being called a dogfucker.

And since I've offended my Jewish audience, why not attack another group of persecuted people: The handicapped!

See, it's always fun to pick on the handicapped because they usually don't know you're picking on them. And even if they did find out, it's not like they're going to seek you out and beat the piss out of you (Especially if you wedge a stick into their wheelchair spokes or put vaseline on the bases of their crutches).

But I really can't pick on the handicapped though. It's not fair to pick on people who a.) don't deserve it and b.) can't defend themselves.

That's why I say we arm all handicapped people. Give them guns. Guns that can shoot a lot of bullets at once. But make it like a game. The lower the person's IQ, the more bullets their gun shoots.

Why should only the drunken rednecks have that fun?

And give more guns to gays.

Because they can't hit worth a damn. At least give them a shot... err... a chance. I say the homosexual community should control at least 95% of the guns in this world. Not only would there be less shootings, but the guns would also end up being decorated with the cutest little knick knacks.

Honestly people, I don't know anything. I just rant and rave, and try to make as many funny jokes as I can (Not to mention the overuse of the word "fuck").

Don't listen to what I say. In fact, don't even read what I say. Reading this diary can be hazardous to your health. Or at least to you karmic energy. Reading my website is the equivalent of a one-way ticket to Hell.

Or sitting on your own balls. Either or.